When the 'wtf' plot bunny bites?
by goldeneyez-x
Summary: this was all very random. the idea bit me in my brain randomly...so yes. Flames allowed. I never get flames, so it'd be a change xD VERY OOC, funny, random, crap, wtf in most places. T - for POSSIBLE: swearing, violence and sexual references - xD
1. The sky is falling!

forgive me please. it was all ery random. my fingers just started to type on accord of their own Oo

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'AHHHH! AHHHH! The sky is falling! The sky is falling!' cried Bella.

Edward slowly turned to look at the love of his life.

'Pardon?' asked Edward

Bella turned around to look at Edward

'What? I didn't say anything' Bella said.

'You did. You just yelled 'the sky is falling! The sky is falling!' Bella' Edward said in a condescending tone.

'Uhhm. No I didn't Eddie. I think you're hearing things.?' Bella said slowly, as if she was speaking to a two year old.

'What did you just call me?!' Edward asked confusedly.

'Edward. You know…your name?' Bella said while shaking her head.

'You-no you didn't!' countered Edward.

Bella pouted.

'Are you saying im lying? Cause…my mommy told me never ever ever to lie! And now yous saying that I didn't listen to my mommy and that im gonna get in trouble and and and-!'

With that Bella burst into fake sobs.

Edward just sat there looking at Bella as if she were an unsolvable puzzle. (Which she is).

After a while, of the incessant fake crying Bella stopped, and started sniffing.

'Mommy?' Bella asked timidly

'Yes?' answered Edward in a strangled voice.

'Mommy, I gotted a boo-boo on my hair' mumbled Bella.

'Huh?' Edward said blankly.

'Look' ordered Bella while holding up a strand of hair that was resting on her sweater.

Edward gave Bella a strange look.

'Love? Are you okay? Is everything… okay?' Edward asked while looking at Bella strangely.

'Don't look at me with that tone of eyeball dammit!' cried Bella as she stalked out of the room, leaving a very confused Edward in her wake.

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Concrit, flames, or randomness welcomed

Toodles,

Sahara xx


	2. Itsa FLY! Hero complex: complete

Oh my lolz!! you guys are liek...made of AWESOME! NINE reviews _**already**_?! None of them concrit or flames? **WOW!!  
**Thank you:

RandomRainbowProductions, **Aiedail01**, Hana Rose, **edwardsbaby4eva**, BlessedBeACullen, **team-la-push**, joyshadow., **Permanent Rose**, MarauderetteLily

oh oh. Also, **Hana Rose**: THANK YOU!! that review made me feel all warm and fuzzeh inside, coz it's always me reviewing telling people how much i found it funneh. Thank yehhh!!

**_says poshly_**

Now...on with teh story!!

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'NOOOOOOO!!' screamed Bella.

'What?! What's the matter Bella?!' asked Edward frantically.

Bella whimpered.

'Are you hurt? Well?! Are you?! Speak to me woman!!' cried Edward, spazing out.

Bella looked up and looked slowly around the room.

'Phew. It's gone. You saved me luvvveeeerrrr!' Bella said lustily.

Then she coughed embarrassedly.

'Pardon Bella? You know...you...you... you've been acting really strang lately you know…' Edward said trailing off as Bella narrowed her eyes at him.

Suddenly a buzzing noise was heard and Bella screamed again.

'Noooo! It's that fly! That little piece of shi- uhm…that piece of '**s**ugar **h**oney **i**ced **t**ea!'' Bella said blushing profusely.

Edward tilted his head to one side with his mouth slightly open.

'Huh?' He said dumbly.

'Close your mouth Edward!' Bella snapped.

'You might catch flies!'

Soon after she said this, the fly began to buzz around her ear.

'Noooo! Oh mighty one! Oh lord of all things that is...uh….that flies! Im sorry!' Bella fake sobbed while bowing all…**_uhhm…idk…like she was bowing to an emperor? Yeah!_** Like she was bowing to an emperor.

Suddenly, a superhero-ish jingle was heard in the background.

'Dun dun duhhhh! Don't worry Bella! I'll save you!' cried Edward standing with his feet apart and his hands on his hips.

Bella clasped her hands together and brought them towards her chest.

'Oh…oh...my hero!' She swooned.

Edward then proceeded to squash the fly in 1 second, using ONLY his baby finger!

'Oh! My saviour! You hunk! You're all big and strong! Let me just drool over your superness, while I think of a way to repay you!' shrieked Bella while fanning her self dramatically, with her hand.

Edward then gathered Bella in his arms and said seductively, (while tossing his windswept gorgeous bronze like hair)

'Here's one way to repay me…'

And they began to kiss.

Then Emmett randomly came in and said in one of those movie star voice over's

'And Edward finally fulfilled his **hero complex** for today, and Bella managed to drool us into a Noah like flood, and…and...urm...they had **SECKS**!'

Edward and Bella stopped their small chaste kiss and gave Emmett a weird look.

'Uh like…Emmett….don't you have some where to be?' Bella said while glaring at Emmett.

'Like…yeah. Instead of watching us, with all your split personalities…**you ****perv**…' muttered Edward.

Emmett frowned.

'Fine. I know where I'm not wanted…' And he flounced out of the room as if he was on a cat walk.

Then Edward and Bella proceeded to eating each others faces off.

Well…you know…not literally in Edwards's case of course….

Then Emmett stopped, and spun around and said,

'OHH EMM GEE! It's turning X-rated. Where's my bucket?!'

And he ran full speed out of the room and commenced in being sick. All over teh luveleh Rosalie…**_ Rosalie pwns bitches. Deal with it. I do. _(: **

This was based on what happened to me today. A few hours ago. See, I was sitting by my desk, reading FanFiction, generally minding my own business, when I heard buzzing. I naturally spazed out, seeing as I'm _deathly_ afraid of bees and wasps, then i realised it was a fly. A great big, dirty, musta-been-drunk, fly. Meh. disgusting. And it was **so **annoying! I knew it was a fly, but it didn't stop me from spazzing out still. So I forced this evil, and unfortunate experience upon Bella and my dear Edward...and not forgetting the SMOOSHABLE Emmett. Who ISN'T really stupid, NO matter HOW people depict him in their FanFics.

**_glares_**

REVIEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW! pwease! **_uses bambi eye powahs  
_**As I said before, I'm welcome to concrit, flames, randomness, or you telling me how much (or how little) you found it funneh...okieeeees??

Toodles,

Sahara xx

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	3. Storyyy timeee!

Ma ma ma ma MIAOOOOWWWW

**Thanks for (reviewing):** Daniela April Cullen, BlessedBeACullen, Hana Rose, Love For Secrets, team-la-push, Daniela April Cullen, Sayosia, Spack272, CaramelBoost, suicidalxnightmare

**AGAIN**, AHHH! Hana Rose! you are too awesome dude! i love you!! your reviews rock!! they make me smileeeeee!! AND yeah! i love being all fan girl-ish, so totally awesome to have it over yourself, when you get a mention!! keep reviewing girl!! your reviews make me smile all cheesily! so. yeah! thanks!!

And also:

Daniela April Cullen: noooo! dont let the bee kill me!! here!! chapter!! peace be with you?? **_lolz  
_**team-la-push: He totally rules!!  
Love For Secrets: as i said, this is my first non serious fic, so its hard to not keep reverting back to a story with a point but yeah...on thing though...light a nightlight in the daytime?? whaaaa?? **xD**

**rawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawr**

Yeah. I was actually stuck for ideas before, i know **shock horror**, but...last week when i had a Latin less (yeah, EW, i do **Latin**) we had a cover teacher, so me and my friends were UBER bored...so we wrote this...weird story thing. So yeah I'll incorporate it into the chapter…read on dudes, read on…

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'Ooooo. Al-lissss! I am uber bor-redd!!' cried Bella suddenly.

Emmett strode into the room slowly, and then fell heavily on the couch.

'Right. I can't be arsed. Im not doing it' said Emmett sullenly.

'ARSED!' screamed Bella.

'Shuddup Bella.' Giggled Alice

'What's wroooooooong Emmitt?!' cooed Bella

'Emmett. My name is Emmett.' Muttered Emmett

'Otay…Emmitt. What's up?' chirped Bella.

Emmett rolled his eyes.

'I have a creative writing assignment due for tomorrow, and I have…like, writers block.' He said, then sighing dramatically.

'OOO! We'll help you! Wont we Alice?' shouted Bella.

'Yeahs!! And jasper should too!' screeched Bella.

'JAZZY!!' Squealed Alice.

Jasper appeared instantly, looking worried.

'What is it Alice? Are you okay?' Jasper asked quickly and clearly.

'Sureeeee! Wanna help write a story?' said Alice in this ultra irritating wheedling voice.

'Um. Okay. But…' Jasper trailed off.

All of a sudden he began to twitch.

'AAACK! Jazzy has FLEAS!' wailed Alice.

'He's got jazzy pants!' cried Bella while jazz hand moving.

Jasper cackled.

'Minions! There is a story to be written! Pens! Paper! AT once!' he cried, very military like.

Some while afterrrrr…

'Mrs Foster. I have my completed my assignment. I hope it's…uh…adequate…' mumbled Emmett, while looking down.

'Ahh! Emmett. I always enjoy your essays. They always show vast amounts of intellect not usually found in your peers work' Mrs Foster said whilst smiling.

'Uh…um…gee, thanks. I err…have to go…' said Emmett looking nervous.

'Before you go...what have you based your current composition on?' asked Mrs Foster, listening intently.

'Uh…it's an insight into the minds of…uh…inanimate objects' looking rather embarrassed.

'Ahh. How….different. Well, I am rather looking forwards to reading this particular work of yours.' Mrs Foster said while smiling uncertainly.

'Yeah…uh, I gotta go. Bye Mrs. foster' he said quickly before leaving at a very fast human pace.

'Hmm. You know what. With an excellent mind like his, I think I shall read his essay now.' She thought.

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**Bold: Me / Bella**

_Italics: mf Aqua / Alice_

Underlined: mf Rasica / Jasper

Normal: mf Kemi / Emmett

('mf' stands for 'My Friend' btw. Me uber lazy! :D)

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Love: Fast Food chains and ice cream

**Tia was a tipex. Oh boy did she like to…uh…tipex. Well, anyways, one day she decided to go out for a walk.**

_On this walk, she met Roland the ruler._

They went to McDonalds and bought one ice cream, to share, with one spoon.

But, what they didn't realise, was tha they were eating from Sally the Spoon. Oh no!!

**How filthy! Cried Frank the squashed fry.**

**EW! Threesome! Said Bernie the half eaten burger.**

**Four if you count me muttered Ilana the ice-cream**

_Then they all became totally grossed out because Tia the tipex and Roland the ruler started to get jiggy on the McDonalds counter._

Sally wanted a go on Ilana but Ilana was straight, so she wanted Roland, who liked Tia who was a lesbian so she wanted Sally, so they all somehow made out together, and all got…very jiggy…

Then Francesca the flake sauntered over and said seductively

Hey. Is there any room for moi? And they let her join in.

**Then when they had finished, Nicky the napkin had to clean up all that 'jiggy' juice that was left so inconsiderately on the counter. **

_**FTW?!**_

_**The End.**_

Mrs Foster then proceeded to faint.

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Ahh! Uber **crazy** _right_? Yeah. Well. Lol, it's what I like to do in **Latin** lessons,** awesome** huh?

Well. Yes. You know what? What would be **UBERLY** appreciated (yes. It's a word. Well…in my mind anyhow…)? Give me your ideas.

_Any:_

Wacky  
Random  
Weird  
Downright scary  
Funny  
Hilarious  
Freaky

Thing you can come up with, **review me**. Send it in a review.

Like. Anything. Like…vampire muffins. Or skin-tight bananas. **IDK. ANYTHING**! And I shall make a story outta it! Aaaaand! The chapter shall be **dedicated to yous**! Otay!! OTAY?!

**_Ahem_**. Yus.

Well.

REVIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!  
please. (:


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